Almost Lover
by Skylark Evanson
Summary: I had gotten over the initial shock of him being gone weeks ago. He had been gone for over two months, going on three now. I had managed to pull myself together and get somewhere with what was left of my life.


**A/N: I really wanted to get this done before last night's episode, but I didn't. So I guess it's time to get it done now. I think that this is the perfect song ever. I'm sorry, but I think it's perfect in every single way. The sound even has a darker Gwevin vibe… Gwen's POV.**

**Disclaimer: Characters are owned by Man of Action. Inspired by the song "Almost Lover" by A Fine Frenzy. You should really listen to it. Originally a songfic. Edited on 2/25/2011 due to a threat to be reported. Sorry. I ain't gettin' reported.**

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_Almost Lover_

I quietly fingered the locket around my neck, thinking of all the good times I'd had with Kevin. At one point, we had been perfect in every way. The locket was trapped between my fingers as I found the heart to turn my light off for the night. The only glow in my bedroom was the clock's shining scarlet numbers and the glittering moonlight through my window.

The locket glinted in the light, sending my heart thundering in my chest as the longing for Kevin swelled up in my throat once more. I had gotten over the initial shock of him being gone weeks ago. He had been gone for over two months, going on three now. I had managed to pull myself together and get somewhere with what was left of my life.

I silently flipped open the locket to see the picture of me with my hair down and him standing right there beside me. I kept my gaze on his deep ebony locks and those obsidian portals, the ones that led to his soul.

Gently, I traced the square jaw line of his face and imagining that I could feel his soft skin under my fingertip. I wished that he were with me instead of out there somewhere. I wished he were with me.

It was quiet in my room, close to midnight. It was always dead silent. I hated it. My heart was thundering in my chest as I fought back the tears that threatened to fall. I quietly eyed the light that was filtering in through my window.

My Kevin was gone. I had to move on.

Silently, I turned over in my bed and tucked the blankets over my shoulders again. I faced the wall, afraid that if I stayed awake much longer, I'd be thinking of him all night. The darkness kept closing over me and I breathed out a deep sigh, still miserable of the state I was in.

Kevin had become more to me than any other person could ever be. He had been my rock, the only thing holding me together. I had fallen in love with the one guy who would always break my heart. He would always be hurting me whether he knew it or not. And I should've known he'd do this to me again.

I just should've known.

Good girls aren't supposed to fall in love with bad boys. We're supposed to like the knights in shining armor that will follow the codes of chivalry and treat a lady the way she deserves. Tears streaked down my cheeks at the thought of armor. He had been my knight in shining armor the whole time, not figuratively but literally. Kevin had always been wearing his armor, defending me at the cost of his life.

Now he was a monster of the mind, a monster of men. And underneath that, he had a heart of gold that was hidden by his rough outer core.

I had seen that secret side of him. I had broken through the armor. I had seen how capable he was of love and loyalty. He screwed up a lot of times. Caroline. Jennifer Nocture. But he was always coming back to me.

We had a connection, an unbreakable one. He was my soulmate, my only lover. Kevin was all I had ever wanted. He was all I ever needed. Another tear broke free from the prison behind my sealed eyes. I didn't want it to slip through. But it did. Because I really did miss Kevin. He meant more to me than I had known before.

I had him one last time before he had truly turned. The second it came down to life or death, he turned serious; Kevin had taken a fatal turn for the worse. I had seen him go from a con artist on parole, to an ex-con, to an honest hero. And then back to the monster he was five years ago. The pain seared my heart.

It should've been gone. I should've been happy that I could get on with my life. I could've gotten away with any guy I wanted. Kevin knew that just as well as I did. And now I was trapped in a prison of my own demise, a prison where I lost the one I did want. The one who knew my every thought, my every move, my every wish, my every hope, my every dream. Kevin was the one who could crush me without even trying. And that was exactly what he had done. He'd crushed my heart, sending it shattering into millions of pieces.

I let my heart get in the way of my head. I had tried to save Kevin a few too many times. I had let myself get put in the way of a monster. He had been born a monster. He had lived out most of his life as a monster. He always called himself a monster. He always knew he would revert back into a monster.

How did I miss it? How did I not realize that he was loyal enough to do something as stupid as sacrificing himself for the universe? He had done it to take down his father's murderer. He had sacrificed himself for me more than once. And now he had sacrificed his sanity, his good name, and his Plumbers badge. All to save the universe.

Ben and I owed Kevin more than we could count.

I curled the blankets around me tighter. The necklace still hung at the base of my throat. I hadn't taken it off since we lost him. I wore it everywhere. Karate. School. Battles. I wouldn't take it off.

It was still hard to let go. Ben had told me he was long gone. He said that Kevin was trying to protect us by hiding himself away. I hadn't heard from him in a long time. He had called me once or twice, just to make sure I was okay. I never told Ben about that, but I knew he had a feeling that I was still in touch with my lover. I wouldn't let Kevin go that easily.

Ben made me want to give up on Kevin. He told me to let him go. He said I should just throw away the locket and run off with what dignity I had left.

I wouldn't run away from Kevin and the locket meant too much to me to throw it away like an old trinket. It was all I had left of Kevin.

Regretting it, I opened up the locket once more and stared at his beautifully dark features lovingly. He was always so sweet to me. He had always been so gentle and tender when it came to us being together. Maybe that should've set me off. I should've known he wasn't for me. I should've seen it coming.

I shut it again tightly. I slid it under the tank top that I was wearing to sleep in. The cool metal pressed against my skin and I wished it were Kevin's hand on me, pushing me out of danger while he took the blow once again. I wanted him back again. I wanted him with me. I wanted his lips on mine, hot and desperate for the sparks that always jumped between us.

Without Kevin, I had become a prisoner of my own home. I wouldn't go anywhere. I couldn't even leave without thinking of all the times he'd snuck me out of my window or when his car pulled up on the curb so he could avoid my dad's questions and disapproving glares.

I used to be an independent person. I used to have my own spine. I used to be able to hear my own voice in my head. I used to be able to think for myself. But lately, all my thoughts had depended on Kevin.

My silent pain was the result of losing him. He was gone. He was really and truly gone. I had stopped crying months ago. The pain had become less raw. My heart was slowly rebuilding itself, stronger than ever. Ben had said we would kill Kevin the next time we saw him. I didn't care. Kevin had become part of my life. Now the darker side of him had become part of me as well.

He was out there somewhere, hiding himself from anyone who would know or recognize his face or speech. Kevin wasn't a hard guy to pick out of a crowd.

I had given up on him ever coming back. I had let him slip between my fingers, the love we once shared letting go of its hold on me. I had let the memories fade to a certain degree, only the squeal of tires bringing back my thoughts now. And the sound of the locket clicking shut. And the garage. And seeing the car. When it was dark enough or when I was alone, the dark memories would come back, of him being a monster.

He had walked out. Ben was right on that one. I hated saying he was right, but he was. Kevin had left us. It wasn't any different from the first few times he had stabbed us in the back.

How had it been so easy for him to leave? His shattered state of mind? The fact that he had turned into a heartless beast? Or was it just that he had never loved me as much as I had loved him?

Kevin and I were done, through, finished. For good. I was over him. I was healing. Whether he thought our relationship was ended or not, I figured he would know one way or another. Eventually, a year would pass and I would know that I was over him. I had loved him once. I had given him everything once. I had let him into my world and he had let me into his. If that didn't mean anything to him, then we both knew the only thing that could hold us together were words. And without any shared words, we were officially broken.

There were still times when I begged for him. There were still times where I pleaded that Ben change his mind and decide that we could try to heal Kevin. But I was held back and Ben always told me to get my head back on my shoulders and put my heart back where it belonged. And after a few weeks, I stopped asking.

After a month, I had given up hope.

After two months, I was finished.

The pieces of my heart were still mending. I was being saved from myself. Kevin had broken me once, but I wasn't about to let him wreck my life.

At nearly three months, I was done.

Realizing I had to give up all hope of him ever coming back, I tugged the locket from around my neck, breaking the clasp and chain. I kissed the precious metal in my hand and slid from the bed. I closed my eyes and let another silent tear slip down my cheek. Without another doubt in my mind, I pulled open the window. The chain was soft on my skin and the main piece was smooth in my palm. I threw it out the window as hard as I could, not wanting to see where it landed. I didn't want it back.

I was done with Kevin whether he knew it or not.

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**A/N: Proud of this one. Love the song. If you didn't listen to it, I highly suggest you do. It's incredible. Please review.**

**~Sky**


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